Monday, March 31, 2003

This is a blog about muscles and mistaken identity.

I was in the gymn the other day doing some pullups. After I finished a set, a large fellow approached me and said, "can I ask you a question?" I flashed back to junior high school when large fellows would approach me and say the same thing so I was about to tell him that I didn't have any money on me, when I found myself nodding. He said,"how do you do so many?" Well, I wanted to tell him that it was probably because I weighed 80lbs less than he did, but I humbly shrugged my shoulders and let him answer his own question. "This is the first time I've really done it," he continued, "I guess I should just get used to the motion on the lat pulldown machine?"

"Sure..." I conceded and walked on my way...but, it made me think...of another time.

I was in Oceanside, California last summer with a friend and his family. It was the 4th of July and the marines in that area were out on the prowl. My friend and I entered a hot tub at the Condo unit where we were staying. The occupants of the tub were two intoxicated couples (marines and their women) and an asian guy. As we entered the tub we quickly tried to make friends with the youngsters...The two couples were a little preoccupied and uniterested but the lone asian guy quickly became our friend.

Long after the couples left, the asian guy remained to converse with us. We found out that he had served in the Navy and that he was raised by a Latino family. He was really cool. He then started to ask us questions. After he found out our identities he laughed and said, "By the look of you I thought you were a marine...But, after I heard you speak, I knew that you weren't." I guess marines don't go off on the merits of "the Muppets" all that often.

So how these two experiences are related is beyond me...but they have both taught me a valuable lesson.

And I will treasure that lesson always.

Thursday, March 27, 2003

I really like iTunes, especially its huge array of online radio stations...

Right now I'm listening to "streaming innovative and eclectic music 24/7 from Los Angeles" and the particular song I'm listening to sounds like "take a walk on the wildside," only its somehow been fused with a Latin beat and Spanish verse. Instead of the colored girls singing "doot doo doot," someone else sings "lai la lai."

I'm in heaven.

Tuesday, March 25, 2003

Blah blah me me...I I I. Blah blah blah....pbbbblllllttttttt...

Sunday, March 23, 2003

Do you know that one scene on LOTR: Fellowship of the Ring where Frodo and friends are hiding from a darkrider under a tree and as the darkrider approaches bugs and centipedes start coming out from the ground writhing because of the pure evil of the darkrider?

I've worked graveyard shifts as a security guard at the LDS motion picture studio for almost two years now, and for some reason the exact experience that Frodo and pals underwent seems to keep happening to me...only, I wasn't aware of it until recently.

Last night at about 3 am I noticed ten potato bugs (pillbugs or rolly pollies for those of you from east of the Mississip') crawling this way and that on the floor at the front desk of the studio. Where were they going? Where did they come from? I don't know. But I remembered the movie and guessed that something evil was on its way... I tried to stay still and hide like Frodo and his crew, but I couldn't handle the suspense. So I grabbed a kleenex and squished them one by one. As I looked upon the little crushed corpses it made me start to think of time not too long ago when something similar happened.

Last October, I came in to relieve a guard at midnight. he had just undergone pepper spray training earlier that night and he, apparently, didn't de-tox too well. His eyes were red and puffy and he shuffled like a zombie to his car as I took his place. As I sat in his chair at the front desk, I couldn't help but notice a swarm of flies (swarm=10 or more flies) going this way and that. I guess Eddie (the guard I replaced) was too hammered by the training to notice a swarm of flies...buzzing...and landing on him...and buzzing some more. But aside from the fact that having a swarm of flies that close to a person isn't only obnoxious but unsanitary, (not to mention it also being a harbinger of all that is unholy) I spent the next four hours of my shift swatting them with a newspaper. Only later did I start to realize that something evil was on its way...but, luckily, I changed guard at 4 am and wasn't around to see it.

Lastly, box elder bugs seem to be in the motion picture studio all year round. They are in the hallways, on the walls, on the ceiling. They are everywhere. But I've never seen them in swarms or, I guess because they seem to only represent minor evil I just let them be. I can handle a little minor evil now and again.
So there you go. If you ever see a lot of bugs swarming...something evil may be on it's way.
And that something evil might just be ME.

Wednesday, March 19, 2003

Kids are funny.

You can be in a "life" museum full of intriguing dead animals in frightening and striking poses and the children are more interested in pushing a button, which lights up a screen covered in words that they can't even read yet, than in trying to touch the inside of a dead hippo's mouth.

I blame sugared cereals and television.

Friday, March 14, 2003

I can't think straight today. I must've walked back and forth between the Madlab and the protools lab (rooms that are practically right next door to each other) 5 or 6 or 7 or 8 times today.


a silly phone book.

I keep taking it, searching through it for crummy info that isn't even there, and then taking it back again.

It's kind of fun though, because I come through the employee door, which can only be opened by an employee door code. The beep-beep-beep sound calls attention to the door and arrouses everybody working in the room's interest. I then enter the room like the famous priveleged employee that I am.
I'm really cool like that.

Oh, did I mention also that I'm hungry, oh, so hungry?

Tuesday, March 11, 2003

it's early in the morning....

I can't sleep.

I can't sleep because I'm thinking of various ways to edit a video, a video that I was somewhat forced to make with little time, non-actors, and no script! (I know what you're thinking, but it's not the latest Star Wars movie or even one based on a comic book). It's my own creation. Highly derivative. Highly "hacky." With realistic moving acting!
But seriously, as far as movies go, I've heard that there's no such thing as bad acting. There's only bad directing. So if my movie is full of corny jokes, crappy dialogue, and an impossible-to-follow plot. It's all my fault. But my ambitions were big, and I think that is what is most important... Exactly what my ambitions were/are, however still remains a mystery.

But, recently I've come to the attention that my movies don't make much sense anyway (hey! just like my life!), and I'm okay with that.
I should've taken my ecclesiastical leader's advice through the ages. I could be on track to becoming an actor/doctor/policeman right now!

Well, since I've taken a different path from acting, doctoring and policing, I think I'll keep making movies. I'm bound to get better with practice and time, right?

If not, don't come crawling to me with your little questions.
The answer is always, "IT'S A METAPHOR!"

Note to self,
Don't write a blog after 12:00 AM ever again.

Monday, March 10, 2003

Well, Eileen...jeez, that's hard for me to say. Have you ever been in a
situation where -- well -- you know you have to act a certain way, but
when you get there, you don't know if you can go through with it?

You mean like how you're supposed to act with someone on a first date?

Marty titled his head to the side.

Well, sort of....

Eileen nodded, interrupting him.

I think I know exactly what you mean.

You do?

Eileen nodded again, slower.

And you know what I do in those situations?

Marty finally looked at her, waiting for the answer.

I don't worry about it!

(BACK TO THE FUTURE Screenplay by Robert Zemeckis & Bob Gale, March 11, 1980)

I wish sometimes that I had Eileen's attitude. Because, well, like Marty, I worry alot in those situations (situations where I'm supposed to act a certain way...).
I'm just glad I don't have to take advantage of my mother when she was my age...because that'd be just plain creepy.


Saturday, March 08, 2003

Sometimes I wonder...
if I was a rich politician's son, squandering his fortune living a playboy lifestyle in Italy with a girl who looked remarkably like Gweneth Paltrow, which one of my friends would bludgeon my head with a boat paddle and gradually take over my life.

And then I start to wonder...
if I wasn't a rich politican's son with all that other stuff, which one of my friends would kill me and take over my life...

I don't know. But, sometimes I wonder about that kind of thing and get really scared.

Thursday, March 06, 2003

It's cold outside but out-of-staters seem to think that because it's the month of March Spring is here. Foolish, yet fashionable, boys and girls in short pants and flip flops shiver in the 30 degree wind chill as I walk home warm and cozy in my down coat. I guess that they're just anxious, which is funny considering that this has been such a mild winter. More of a funny "hah-hah" than a funny "hoh-hoh," though.

Monday, March 03, 2003

I'll turn 24 this upcoming Saturday.

I remember being 12 years of age and wanting to meet myself as a twenty-something year-old.

I wondered what I'd be like. How tall I'd be. How strong I'd be. What style of clothing I'd be wearing. Would I have a tattoo? What would my girlfriend look like?
You know...all that important kind of stuff.

Sometimes, I'd like to go back in time and meet up with that little punk. I'd like to slap that kid around and set him straight. "Straighten up and fly right!" I'd tell him (maybe even in musical form). I'd tell him to keep playing the piano, to stay in school, to give up the ganja, to stay away from the ladies, to try out for the school football team, and to learn to read.

Okay...well, forgive me for being hyperbolic. I never had a drug problem. I actually graduated from HS a semester early and got $500 toward college tuition. I've always been reserved around women. Football? Pshaw, I was always more of a soccer kind of guy. And, like most kids in the public school system, I learned to read in 1st grade. So, I guess I wouldn't need to waste valuable time travel time with unnecessary warnings. I would tell him to keep playing the piano though. Man, I regret giving that up.

So then we would have some time together for the important things. I could beat him at Street Fighter 2. Then I'd pass the game only using one quarter.
He and I could then go get a slurpee...or maybe a Jamba juice, wait, it was still called Zuka juice back then...oh, no, those were still the frozen yogurt golden years.
Then as we sat eating our half pints of strawberry frogurt covered with gummi bears, I'd tell him the outcome of some future sporting events. Then I'd return to the future to find that I'd built a large casino and had corrupted my whole hometown. Yah.

But on second thought, I can't manage my life as simple as it is now. And besides, messing around with the space time continuum is never a really a good idea.

Or so it seems.