Friday, September 15, 2006

Phrase of the day: "State-mandated Roleplay"

I'm losing weight.
At least, that's what Ali and my mom keep telling me.
But in all honesty I'm the same 165 lbs I've been since 1998. Really.
But, I like to make two very important ladies in my life happy so I'm embarking on a campaign to appease them.
As of Wednesday, I decided to embark on a mission to become the fattest man alive.
Good-bye, healthy choices.
Good-bye, exercise.
Hello, deep-fat fryer.
Okay, not really, but, wouldn't you like to see that on TV?
Join us for 4 contestants throwing caution to the wind and eating whatever and whenever they want, all battling it out to become Fattest Human Alive!. "We're gonna need a crane to move this season's winner!"

But I digress...
I've simply decided to start eating an energy bar in addition to what I already eat every day. You see, I'm hoping that this extra calorie boost will start putting a little meat on my bones. Then my loved ones will notice and stop commenting on the imagined weight that I'm losing. If not, at least I can save my empty wrappers for proof.
It's pathetic, I know. And energy bars are nasty, but, so far I've taste-tested the following before heading over to Costco for bulk-commitment.
Payday energy bar = bland
Clif Bar (Almond Fudge sumthin') = sweet enough, but the aftermath is a little .
Power Bar Natural = nutty and crunchy...almost in excess.
Kashi bar = good texture but this particular variety tasted like Coffee.
Mojo bar = pending
Snicker's Marathon = pending

Any recommendations?


kat said...

i love it. instead of "celebrity fit club" we'd have "celebrity fat club" where they'd force paris hilton, nicole richie, and the olsen twins to eat spare ribs and sit in a recliner all night watching old episodes of "cheers".
i would so watch that.

p.s. i'm addicted to luna bars.

Jay said...

Luna bars are for girls.

Ry-han, you just need some good old candy bars. Processed sugars, empty calories, and all the flavor you can handle.

Remember, the better it tastes, the worst it is for you.

kat said...

luna bars are for girls.
but they still taste really good.

Chester B. said...

I've committed to the manly sounding "Clif Bar."

I feeling like I'm eating a "clif" of dirt each time I force myself to eat one.

Maybe Jay's right about the candy bar thing...